Don’t Be the Leader with No Friends

“‘I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.’” –John 15:15

Pastors, artists, difference makers, and anyone doing anything significant have one thing in common—they feel lonely from time to time. This is true in my life. As I try to get my business off the ground, I feel a twinge of loneliness every now and then. I guess that’s how it is when you choose to spearhead a vision—you have to embrace the loneliness of being apart from everyone else.

I do believe there’s a healthy part to being separate as a leader. Withdrawal, solitude, and quiet are the ingredients to the formation of a great leader. In some sense, a leader must find contentment with being apart from the crowd, being alone from time to time. But I also believe there’s a danger to this loneliness.

There’s a dangerous thought out there that for a leader to do his or her mission, he or she must forego relationships in lieu of being devoted to their work. There has never been a more harmful idea to a leader. It’s entirely possible to be a leader who’s devoted to his or her work so much that they abandon their friendships. But what we often forget is, it’s not only our work that makes us leaders. It’s the lives we impact and connect with that make us leaders.

Leaders should never be stifled by loneliness. Their impact, health, and soul is at stake.

The problem is, as a leader, it’s so tempting to shut yourself away from the rest of the world. It’s so tempting to just follow your dreams but forget about others. It’s so tempting to let friendships slip. As a leader, you must make the conscious and intentional decision to not let your friendships drop. You’ll need them if you want to continue being a leader.

Here are some strategies to keep your friendships flourishing in points of influence:

1. Ask for help

When I was pursuing my wife, I asked her help on a project I really could’ve done myself. This was intentional because I wanted to spend time with her. I wanted to share a memory with her.

As a leader, when you are wrapped up in your work, you could do the same. Instead of building fences around you and your work, invite others in. Involve them in the process, even if you don’t need to. Doing so will give you the life to continue with your leadership.

 

2. Keep returning

I love how Jesus returns to His friends after they thought He was dead and gone. He still cared about them enough to show Himself to them, and that says something.

Sometimes, we can let friendships slip. But like Jesus, we have the choice to return to the friends who think we’re gone. We can show up once again and catch up. We don’t have to let friendships stay dead forever.

Sometimes all it takes to revive a relationship gone stale is just the simple action of returning when they don’t expect it.

 

3. Be brave in more than just your work

If you’re a leader, your work requires you to be brave every day. So if you’re brave with your work, why don’t you choose to be brave with your relationships also? Choose to risk for your friends. Call your friend when you need help. Admit your faults to others. Be open. Be vulnerable. Be brave, and I promise you’ll see a return of stronger, more meaningful relationships.

 

4. Hold your work with open hands

It doesn’t have to be your friends vs. your work. If you hold your work with open hands and not stress out so much about it, you can end up saying yes to better friendships.

So take my advice: don’t take your work too seriously. You can pick it up at anytime, but you can’t always pick up new friends.

 

A leader cannot thrive without healthy friendships. Friends sharpen, guide, and encourage us along in our influence. And in the end, you’ll remember the people who stood by you more than you remember what you did. That’s because a legacy is not only shaped by your achievements; it’s also shaped by the lives who’ve touched you.

Build a better legacy. Keep your friends by your side.