Four Questions to Ask Before You Quit

Stay in ministry longer than five minutes, and you’ll have moments when you’ll want to quit. The email inbox of complaints, the underwhelming pay, and the overwhelming needs drive all of us to the point of wondering, “is this really worth it?” But there’s a big difference between the need for a good night’s sleep and the real need to move on.

What does a leader do when the desire to quit casts a long shadow over each day? And how do we know if it’s God’s will or our own that’s driving us to finally turn in that resignation letter? Here are four honest questions to ask yourself when you want to quit:

Question 1: What is your motive?

Most of us don’t imagine the day-to-day reality of ministry when we pictured our dream jobs. We think about the mountaintop moments, the life-changing conversations, and the mind-blowing creative experiences. As pastors, we probably imagine the packed rooms of eager listeners, not the barely-half-full, half-asleep people who wander in to listen to us preach (or finish their grocery list). So when you think about moving on, one of the best places to start is with your heart. What’s your motive for leaving? No, not the motive that you tell your friends or spouse. The real motive.

One of my favorite honest phrases comes from the Alcoholics Anonymous creed, which says, “I have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.” Psalm 139 says, “Search me and know me, O God.” When we wrestle with the desire to move on, we should begin with our gut-level, fearlessly honest moral inventory: What do I believe I deserve in this position? How might my own character deficits be contributing to my issues? Am I operating out of past hurts that need to be addressed?

Question 2: What are the ancillary gains of this position?

Another helpful angle is to consider the secondary benefits of your current position. Although the primary role that you fill might be soul-sucking, it’s always important to evaluate ancillary gains to a job. Are you doing the wrong job in your church, but have a great mentor? Are you bored out of your mind, but allowed flexibility in your schedule to pursue some of your passions? Does your job connect you into a network that you’ll lose access to if you left? My career-corporate husband often tells me, “I’d rather do a job I hate with people I love for the rest of my life--than have the perfect job with the wrong people.”  It’s important to give proper credit to the ancillary gains of your position.

Question 3: What relationships will suffer (or benefit) from these changes?

If you were to walk away from your job today, what relationships will suffer? Is there a leader whom you serve who is a better with your support? Is there a friendship that encourages you that won’t be the same after the change? We do well to remind ourselves that God’s ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8) and what often matters most to our earthly lives matters little to God. (Matthew 6:20).

On the flip side, some relationships may benefit from you leaving. If you’ve found that the environment you are in is toxic to your spiritual life, to your marriage or to your family, and you’ve done the hard work of examining what you contribute to that dynamic, it might be time to move on.

Question 4: Have you asked for permission to leave?

In his newest book, Deep and Wide, (Zondervan, 2012) Andy Stanley tells the story of his resignation from his father’s church. Stanley details out the painful process with candor, including conversations that he and his wife Sandra began to have about leaving. This line captured me: “We began to ask God for permission to leave.”

If you don’t pay close attention, you’ll miss the fact that Stanley says it was two years before he received clear direction from God that it was time to go. Two years. Most of us don’t want to stay two more minutes in a job that doesn’t fit, yet Andy Stanley illustrates one of the core qualities of a godly leader: humility and radical obedience. Are you giving God governance over your ministry life, your personal life, your whole life?

If you’ve walked through the first three questions and feel certain that it’s time to leave, perhaps the next best thing you can do is ask God for permission. And then continue to serve faithfully and well, trusting that your heart will be changed--or, like Andy Stanley, God will release you in His time for His great purposes.