Getting Beyond Artificial Maturity

I have lived most of my life in California-the Golden State. One of the many reasons it's called the Golden State is the gold rush that started on January 24,1848. James Wilson Marshall wasn't looking for gold that day-but when he found it, the whole country heard about it. Everyone, it seemed, was hunting for this rare and valuable metal. What we often forget is that most of the people who rushed to find gold found nothing, or worse, they found a mineral we now call, "fool's gold." It looked real, but alas, it was worthless. And it was everywhere.

In many ways, this is a picture of something you can now find in the Church. I call it "artificial maturity." Like fool's gold, it appears real, but it's not worth a nickel. Today, we can emulate maturity, by memorizing Bible verses, attending events, giving money (actions we use to measure spiritual maturation) but actually fail the authentic maturity test. We're artificially mature.

The saddest part is that we're raising the next generation of kids to master the artificial stuff. We have conditioned them to "appear" instead of "become." In June I released a new book called, Artificial Maturity. It is directed at parents, teachers, coaches, employers or youth pastors who, like me, experience a challenge when connecting with this new generation of kids today and helping them to authentically grow up.

What is Artificial Maturity?

Put simply, here's the dilemma. Because of the technology available on our phones and at our fingertips, we're raising, not Generation Y, but Generation iY. They've grown up on-line, impacted by the iWorld. This is both good news and bad news. The dilemma can be summarized this way:

1. Kids are over-exposed to information, far earlier than they're ready.

2. Kids are under-exposed to real-life experience, far later than they're ready.

This over-exposure / under-exposure produces artificial maturity. It looks so real, because kids know so much. But they have experienced so little. Information comes to them so easily and readily, because of the day we live in. They possess a sort of Google reflex. The speed at which data reaches them has paradoxically slowed down their actual maturity. It's not real.

The ancient Greeks actually understood this issue very well. They used two words for our English word "know" in their language: "ginosko" and "oida." While both communicated the idea of knowledge, they described two different kinds of knowledge:

1. "Ginosko" meant: to be aware of; to be informed; to become acquainted. It's about data.

2. "Oida" meant: to fully perceive and understand through experience. It's about wisdom.

Obviously, "oida" represented a much richer knowledge that comes only through practicing life. It's a depth of knowledge that "ginosko" can only imagine. One is more about information. The other is more about an authentic, deeper experience. Let me illustrate. In 1988, my friend Jeff Robinson pitched for the Detroit Tigers. He was a tall, well-built athlete with a great fastball. From time to time, Jeff invited me to come see him play. One evening, I stood in the stands watching him warm up in the bullpen before the game. Eventually, another fan walked up next to me and began yelling to Jeff: "Hey Robinson! Give me a baseball!" He continued barking out Jeff's statistics that season, hoping his insight and persistence would wear my friend down, until Jeff would ultimately toss a ball over to him. Well, the plan backfired. I saw Jeff smile at me, then stop to grab a ball. He proceeded to walk over to where we were standing. The loudmouth next to me assumed Jeff was finally caving and bringing him a souvenir baseball. But, alas, he was wrong. Jeff proceeded to sign the ball and hand it to me, his friend. It was a moment for the record books I have savored since that night. You should have seen the look on that fan's face when I, the silent guy standing next to him, walked away with a baseball signed by a major league player.

Can you see what happened that night? Both of us "knew" Jeff Robinson. But in reality, the other guy could only boast that he knew a lot about Jeff. I actually knew Jeff. It wasn't mere information, it was knowledge through years of relationship and life experience.

Today, because information is so prevalent, our kids can assume they have "oida" when they only have "ginosko." With an abundance of it, their confidence can soar, but is based on a virtual foundation. They may not really "know" the Word; they may not actually "know" Jesus. To put it bluntly, it's often head knowledge from a screen. While it may be accurate, we cannot assume it can achieve more than a screen can. And this reality isn't limited to spiritual maturity. Real maturity, in general, isn't happening until well into their adult life.

But Aren't Kids Growing Up too Fast?

Upon hearing this, parents often ask me any number of questions: But isn't it just the opposite? Aren't kids growing up too soon? What about the eleven-year-olds who want to dress in explicit and provocative ways? And what about the thirteen-year-olds who know more about the latest R-rated movie and why it's hot than their parents do? Doesn't this mean adolescence is actually arriving sooner and kids are growing up quicker?

My response is simple. Adolescence is actually expanding in both directions. Children desire to enter it earlier, having been exposed to teen websites, social media, reality TV, explicit movies and unlimited time on screens that beckon them into the teen mentality. Their world is often unattached to the adult world. At the same time, young adults linger in adolescence long into their twenties and sometimes thirties. Adolescence is no longer a doorway into adulthood. It is a season of life.

Journalist, Sharon Jayson from USA Today, reminds us that at five and six years old, kids are playing with toys and dolls, crafts and puppet shows. It often stops at seven. After that, kids skip to a "tween" stage marking early adolescence. They want independence but not responsibility. Parents fear giving kids too much independence because of the unsafe world we live in. They're torn about letting their child ride their bike around the block and they frequently stay on the phone with their children the entire time if they let them.

Today's kids may never know the innocence, the exploration, and imagination that we recall from our childhood. Parents rarely let their kids walk to school or use public transportation, and they schedule their day full with piano, soccer, ceramics and gymnastics. In an attempt to keep them safe, parents may even refuse to let their teen go on a short-term mission trip. Our focus on safety is understandable, but it disables them from taking calculated risks and learning to fail, both of which help people mature. The activities we provide are great-but they are all monitored for the kids. They often don't know what to do with free time. They fail to learn to resolve conflict, think for themselves or do real-life problem solving. It's all virtual-or artificial-maturity.

So What Can We Do?

Let me recommend two balancing acts, if you work with students.

1. As leaders, we must be both responsive and demanding. By responsive I mean to believe in them, to demonstrate grace, to support them and encourage them in their dreams. By demanding, I mean to set standards and to hold them accountable to meet those standards; to not dilute them just because they're hard. I believe we under-challenge students today. They are capable of so much more, but we've done a better job at protecting than preparing.

2. As leaders, we must distribute two gifts to students simultaneously. We must give them autonomy and responsibility in direct proportion to each other. To the degree those teens want autonomy (and not be treated like children), let them know that the price tag is appropriate responsibility. In other words, if your kid wants to borrow the car, he or she must fill up the tank. You don't get autonomy without a right level of responsibility. This is how healthy adults emerge.

Sadly, while our intentions are good, we leave kids without the tools to self-regulate. This is why the average college student is in touch with their mom or dad eleven times a day. Or, why 80% of students return home after college. They are unable to be autonomous adults. While they usually want to the autonomy, they may not be ready for the responsibility. This is where our work begins. Next month, we'll move to Part Two of this series on "Artificial Maturity."