Hope > Cynicism

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." -Ernest Hemingway

Becoming a cynic was not on my five-year plan after college graduation. I excitedly accepted a seminary internship at a large church, grateful for the help with tuition costs. I had grand visions of what the Church could and should be.

I regularly encountered people who made me feel like I had been living in fantasy land. My dreams began looking more like a fairy tale, as idealistic expectations careened into a local church in transition. I replaced idealism with sarcasm and cynicism, insulating myself from the pain of unmet expectations.

If you are a college student or 20-something, recognize one of your greatest offers is your idealism about the world and your passion to change it. However, many of you can tell a story like mine where you've been disappointed and wounded.

In place of idealism, we resort to cynicism as a coping mechanism. Our cynicism protects us from being wounded again. While protecting us, cynicism prevents us from making a difference in the world.

Cynics do not change the world. Ghandi, Mandela, Mother Teresa, Dr. King, Steve Jobs, Walt Disney. None of them were cynical. They passionately believed in their message and gave their lives working to make their dreams come to life.

How do we reject cynicism and embrace hope? The following three transitions may seem simple, but they are not easy. 

1. Process the pain

Wounds are an unavoidable piece of life. Developing intimate relationships provides an opportunity to be wounded. The question is not "will you be wounded?" but rather "what will you do with your wounds?" If you do not process the pain, you will pass it on to others. Processing includes patience, supportive friends and God’s healing power.

Processing can be improved by getting help. One of the best decisions you could make in your life is processing your painful experiences with a counselor. Processing can ultimately lead to forgiveness. While not all of us forgive easily, God's grace enables us to let go of the retributive desires that often rise in our hearts.

2. Filter your inputs

The voices we listen to shape our future. Our transition from cynicism to hope depends on whose voices we value and empower. During my battle with cynicism, voices that critiqued the modern church dominated my reading pattern. As I struggled to process the pain I experienced, my reading exacerbated the pain. I read more about what was broken than how it could be healed.

In Philippians 4:8, Paul called the Philippian believers to be intentional about what occupied their minds. I learned I needed to be much more intentional too. Initially, I cut off some voices entirely. My reading eventually found a balance that helped me to become thoughtful and healthy.

3. Get to work.

Jennie Allen recently tweeted, "Somebody asked me - how do you overcome cynicism? My response - start building things. Then there's no energy to tear down."

As I look back and process through my battle with cynicism, I realize the opportunities I had to serve others saved me. I watched friends battle cynicism who missed a chance to shift the focus from their pain to someone else's needs.

While recently binge-watching NBC’s The West Wing on Netflix (spoiler alert), I came across one particular scene which sparked some serious introspection. One character challenged the other, confronting their refusal to join the new administration's staff. "It is easier to throw rocks at a house than it is build one." Watching that episode during a 2am feeding with my infant son, I identified how much time I wasted throwing rocks in my 20s. I was content to throw rocks from a safe distance, while others did the hard, creative work. 

It is important to realize the loss of idealism is inevitable for all of us. The difference in who we become will be shaped by our responses. If I could go back in time and enlighten myself, I would say three words - the same ones I would say to you if you have been disappointed.

 

Relentlessly reject cynicism.