Rethinking Leadership

I read a definition of leadership the other day that is messing me up in a really good way. It comes from Edwin Friedman who describes a leader as a self-defined person with a non-anxious presence.  Friedman was a family therapist, so the definition comes from family systems philosophy, but it translates really well into overall leadership.

There are two major things that struck me.

First, most leaders are defined by their role and not their God-given identity.

Think about it, as a leader we understand ourselves within the organizations we lead by what we do, and not by who we are. In some ways this seems unavoidable, but in actuality it is a recipe for a mess. If the organization is going well then who you are seems secure. But, let’s be honest, there is always something that is not going well, which means that your identity as a leader is only as secure as the functioning of your organization. That is a roller coaster ride that will lead to burn out, moral failure, or simply the overriding desire to disengage and escape to some happy place where you are free from letting other people define you.

But who will you be when you finally escape the place that you have given the power to name you? That’s called an identity crisis.   Self-definition is simply the centering place inside of you where you are named not by what you do, but by who God has named you. Before you are a leader you are a daughter and a son. When we anchor ourselves at the core of our being to that definition, then we are free from the relentless onslaught of the lesser powers that try to name us within the organization. Good leader, bad manager, poor communicator, doesn’t know where we are headed, etc.

Standing in your self-definition allows you to engage your leadership with integrity to your mission without being sidetracked by an undefined self.

Second, anxiety is always lurking within the organization and it drives the bus off mission.

Within every organization there is always cause for anxiety. From budget issues to a person on staff who wants to make their issues your issues, there are many reasons to feel anxious. Anxiety pops its head up when people are scared or insecure. At times the anxiety can be really high, like during staff lay-offs, but anxiety can also be subtle and divisive, like staff gossip. 

The beautiful freedom of being a self-defined leader is that you are allowed to have a non-anxious presence in the midst of an anxious moment in your organization.

This is what I mean. Their anxiety is their anxiety, not yours. So don’t carry it. Remember who you are, and what you have to do and don’t let fear take you off mission.

An amazing side study for this would be to read the Gospels and watch Jesus lead with this definition in mind. He is the perfect example of a self-defined person with a non-anxious presence. He knew who he was- the Son of the Father, knew what he had to do, and he did not allow the anxiety of disciples, demons, Pharisees, crowds, or even death, take him off mission.

I think God wants to invite us into a new type of freedom as leaders where he get to define us and we get to lead without anxiety. The Kingdom will be better for it.