Stop Wishing You Had More Time

While busyness is categorically the norm for the vast majority of people in the Western world, the solution is never about having more time. We know this, but still we forget such an essential truth. People often say to me (and I’m guilty of saying it as well), “I wish there were more hours in the day; if only I had more time!” And why do we want more time? What would we do with it? We want more time to do the important things that aren’t getting done. This list might include time to rest, time to spend with God, or simply time to enjoy our families and loved ones.

But let’s be honest with ourselves. What if God suddenly said, “I’m giving you one extra hour a day? You now have twenty-five hours in a day?” Or better yet, what if he decided to give us an eighth day of the week — which amounts to over three extra hours each day? How would you spend that time? Would you use it for an afternoon nap or to get caught up on last month’s expense report at the office? Would you use it for a meaningful conversation with your spouse or to get the oil changed (finally — only a thousand miles overdue) on your car? Extra prayer and reflection time with God or online surfing for the best deal on that flight for the holidays?

I suspect most of us would spend our new 25/8 time catching up on chores, doing more work, or finding long-lost grade school classmates on Facebook. Would you really spend a solid hour in meaningful conversation with your aging grandma or teenage son? Despite good intentions, I’m as likely as the next person to try to get caught up in all the areas where my life seems to be spilling over around the edges.

The answer isn’t more time but a greater awareness of the time we have.

It’s like a car with wheels that aren’t aligned. It always pulls to one side. If you don’t constantly fight it, that little tug will drag you right off the road. And the constant battle to keep the vehicle within the lines becomes exhausting. No one wants to drive very far when they’re out of alignment.

The culture we live in is forever pulling us off center — go faster, work harder, stay busy. If we don’t fight it, we’re not only headed for the ditch. We’re back on the wide road with everybody else.

TIME OUT

Can you even imagine your life where you have time for the important and not the urgent? When one of your kids is talking to you, do you give them your undivided attention? Or are you also thinking about what to pick up for dinner or the deadline at work tomorrow? When someone interrupts you in the hall at the office, are you glad to talk to them? Or are you annoyed? (Maybe that depends on the person.)

Do you have time to rest? No, I mean really rest — an uninterrupted night’s sleep, a quiet morning over a cup of coffee as you watch it rain, a stroll along the beach as the waves erase your footprints? When’s the last time you got to relax? Do you ever just sit and reflect on your life — without watching the clock, setting the alarm on your iPhone, or becoming distracted by the laundry waiting to be folded?

When you’re with the people you love, do you connect intimately and enjoy each other? Or do you exchange essential information (“I thought you already paid the American Express bill!” “Did you stop at the cleaners?” “What time is practice?”) that often leads to tension or an outright fight? Do you have plenty of quality time with the Creator of this universe — the one who made you — so that all the other things fall into place? Or are you set on “normal” and usually lacking time for what’s most important?

When do you have time to be in the present moment?

If you’re feeling troubled by your answers, pulled from the present moment on a regular basis, then consider this admonition: “Be very careful, then, how you live — not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is” (Eph. 5:15 – 17, emphasis mine).

Be wise, not foolish.

Be weird, not normal.

Don’t let culture divert you from living in the present, being fully engaged with the people around you and the gifts and challenges that draw you back to God. Don’t let the chaotic pace of normalcy tug you in the wrong direction. You’ll have to fight against the daily drift — others’ expectations, the urgent but unimportant, a false sense of self — or you’ll get swept away by a normal life. Be different. Be careful how you live, how you plan: what you say yes to and what you say no to.

Notice the relationship between the choices we make — wise or foolish — and understanding the Lord’s will. It’s critical to God that we think about how we live, how we spend the present time with which we’re gifted each day.

How do you figure out what you should do with your time? In his book The Best Question Ever, Andy Stanley offers a simple question you can ask to help you make the best decision in almost any situation. Let’s say I asked you, “Hey, do you and your spouse want to go out to dinner with us Friday night?” If we already know each other, most of you would simply check with your spouse and your calendar: “Are we free that night?”

While there’s nothing wrong with this question, it’s not the best question. Here’s a better question to ask: “Is it wise?” Stanley explains that you have to know what’s important to you, and that determines how you make wise choices — even about such “normal” decisions as whether to have dinner with the pastor and his wife this weekend. In light of everything that you know right now, all your goals, your dreams, where you are in your life, your personal experience, is this the wisest choice you could make? Consider the invitation I offered. If you pause for a moment to consider more than just your availability, then a variety of other variables might come into play:

 

• You’ve been attacking debt, so you’ve cut back on nonessentials like cable TV, buying electronics, and eating out. Knowing that you might have to charge the meal (or at least offer to tip), you decide it would be very unwise to go out.

 

• You’ve been working on your marriage. Your spouse has told you he or she wants a regular date night commitment, where just the two of you go somewhere to talk and enjoy being together. You farm the kids out to their friends to spend the night, or enlist relatives to babysit. Since Fridays have been your regular date night, would it be worth sacrificing just to hear Groeschel drone on and on about his upcoming sermon series on Leviticus?

 

• One or both of you are trying to lose some weight, so you’ve started exercising and eating more carefully. How likely would it be that you could pass up the strawberry cheesecake if you went out to eat?

Given all these factors, and after further discussion with your spouse, your answer should probably be, “Maybe some other time.” (If that’s the case, have the courage to tell me no. I’ll get over it. I promise.) You have to decide what things are important to you and can help you make decisions. Consider starting to ask, “Is this wise?” with a wise-criteria qualifier tacked onto the front:

“In light of our future hopes and dreams, . . .”

 

“With our current family situation, . . .”

 

“Because we know our marriage isn’t where God wants it to be, . . .”

 

“Since I plan on going to graduate school, . . .”

 

“We have two children in diapers, so . . .”

 

“Our seventeen-year-old will only be with us for one more year, so . . .”

Make your own list: What things are most important to you right now?

We’re reminded in James that our time in this life is short and sweet: “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes” (4:14). Every day is a gift from God, so we must always ask ourselves whether it’s wise to invest our time in the latest demand. You’ll have dozens of opportunities, and therefore decisions, every day. Just because opportunities present themselves doesn’t mean you should accept every one of them. It’s not realistic, and it’s also not wise. Often instead of asking, “Is this right or wrong?” or “Will I enjoy this or not?” we need to ask, “Is this wise in light of my desire to stay grounded in what matters most to me and to God?”

How do you stay grounded in the present by scheduling wisely? You must have the courage to say no. You have to start saying no to good things so you’ll be able to say yes to the best things. Too many good things quickly become the enemy of the best things. God calls us to think about time differently from the way most people regard it. We can stay engaged in today, aware of what’s most important, or we can lose the present moment like water through our hands. Don’t think like everyone else. Don’t be afraid to be weird for being wise

LOSING YOUR MARBLES

I read about a dad who realized he was so busy that he was missing most of his kids’ lives. He never planned to take them for granted or deliberately chose to miss out on quality time with his kids. But he realized that his time with them would continue to melt faster than a Popsicle in July unless he found a way to slow down and savor the present. So when his oldest daughter was a sophomore in high school, he did something that changed his family’s life. The wise father purchased a bunch of marbles.

Back at home, he carefully counted 143 marbles and put them into a large jar. According to the dad’s calculation, he had 143 Saturdays left before his oldest daughter graduated high school and left home. So the father put 143 marbles in a jar, and each Saturday he pulled one out. The visual reminded him of the importance of investing his time in the places that mattered. It was inevitable that he would lose his marbles, but at least this way he got to decide where they went.

Interestingly enough for me, my oldest daughter is a little older than his. I’ve got just over a hundred Saturdays left before she will graduate and leave home. Even as I’m writing this (not helped by the fact that it really is a Saturday morning), I’m tempted to stop immediately and go find her so we can hang out. Maybe it’s a compromise, but since I know I’ll be with her later today, I’ll keep working.

Despite our best efforts, we’re all losing our marbles. It’s just a matter of how we’ll enjoy each one. God gives us an amazing present every day. Normal people leave this gift unwrapped, unrealized, unappreciated, and it’s gone before they know it.

Weird people know there’s no time like the present.