The Family Factor

Taking reality television to yet another strange level, MTV's Date My Mom featured one brave guy who is willing to take three different moms on dates in order to find out more about their daughters. After questioning all three moms at length, the bachelor has to choose the daughter he wants to date without even seeing a picture. At the end of the show, everyone meets up to see which lucky girl he chooses.

One of my favorite episodes ends with the two young women and their moms who weren't chosen hugging each other and walking off into the sunset. One of the daughters looks at her mom and asks, "What are we going to do now?" Without hesitating, the mom replies, "Well, we're just going to go find you a nice Jewish boy."

I can't help but laugh. I grew up with a Jewish grandmother who always hoped that I would also end up with a nice Jewish boy, too. Every mother and father naturally dreams about what their children will grow up to be and accomplish. Often unknowingly, parents project unrealized dreams on their offspring. Whether you are aware of it or not, your family has a tremendous impact on how you answer the question, What the heck am I going to do with my life? Through their reactions and responses, both stated and unstated, your family provides a framework for approval and acceptance. They not only give you roots; they give context to your life.

One of the reasons family is such a big factor in directing our lives is because parents play a pivotal role in introducing us to new ideas and concepts. They help us become familiar with particular professions or pastimes, and once we are comfortable in an area, we are sometimes less likely to venture off into new territory.

Some families go one step further than just encouraging their children to purse a particular career and actually provide an insta-career by owning a business that their children will inevitably take over one day. If you are in line to inherit the family business, you may be one of the lucky or not-so-lucky ones depending on the outlook. You may have been groomed since your childhood to take over the business that your parents or grandparents built from the ground up. To many, the situation is one to envy - your career path seems clear cut and your financial security is inevitable - but you may look at the situation differently. You may not seem to have much of a choice in the matter. Along with the business, you inherit challenges, debts, and personnel issues, but no one ever seems to talk about those. You also face high expectations as far as your future, your position, and your performance. Whether stated or not, parental approval can quietly be linked to the success of the business. And that's a lot of pressure for anyone.

Sometimes the pressure to join in the family business isn't even mentioned out loud. In fact, you may be encouraged to pursue other areas of study or work. But after graduation or a few years down the road, you find that jobs are easier to come by in your parents' profession because of their connections. You may even be able to land a more lucrative job because of who they know.

Occasionally peers or friends who become like extended family can influence a career decision. If you hung with the theater crowd in college, you may be tempted to move to L.A. en masse together. Or if you were among the music crowd you may decide to join the same orchestra.

Of course, not all of the pressures that friends and family exert will be about your profession. You will find all kinds of influences. You may be told whether or not it is acceptable to be a stay-at-home mom, the proper age of marriage, and who you should or should avoid dating. Not all this advice is bad mind you, but it is important to realize that the people around you can play a tremendous role in determining what you do with your life. Some good. Some bad. The struggle is to resist the temptation to please others in our career decisions rather than do what we were created to do.

If you wake up one day and realize that you may have been nudged into a direction that wasn't your first choice, recognize that God may be trying to speak to you. Spend time in prayer. Take time to listen. Check your motives. Reflect on your past.

You'll want to take it slow and spend time praying and listening for God to give you direction. The changes may be slight. They may only affect your heart, not your profession, but they are still important to consider. Remember that it is never too late to make a change or correction in the direction your life is heading.