Want to Be an Awesome Leader? Learn to Disappoint

For the last several years, I’ve been truly blessed to be able to meet and work with numerous church leaders throughout the country. Some lead huge congregations with thousands of members while others are just starting out with nothing more than dreams of future church plantings in their heads. And yet, no matter the number of their followers, nearly every one of these leaders has one character trait in common: They don’t want to disappoint people.

Aiming to please is basic human nature for most of us, but that trait tends to be especially strong for those in ministry. Here’s the problem: You can’t be an awesome leader without disappointing others. Like the old saying goes, you can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.

It’s a tough concept to accept. We all want to be liked.

It’s especially hard here in the South, where we’re taught from nearly day one to be over-the-top polite and go out of our way to help others.

The problem with this kind of thinking is when we get so caught up in trying to please everyone that we end up being doormats instead of leaders. We go places we don’t want to go and do things we don’t want to do, and we’re so busy trying to accommodate everyone that we never have a free moment to stop, listen and ask God what HE wants us to do—what He created us to do.

If you look at the life of Jesus, you’ll see that He was anything but a doormat. He was strong and courageous. He spoke the truth and followed where God guided Him—not where the crowds led Him. In Matthew 14, for example, Jesus feeds 5,000 people with five loaves and two fishes. At the same time, He’s healing people, so the crowds keep growing and growing. But in the middle of all of this excitement, Jesus just shuts it down. Do you think He was concerned with what the crowd was thinking of Him in that moment? Do you think He was worried about their disappointment? No—Jesus’ focus was on what God was leading Him to do.

So how can you learn to let go and let God lead you, especially when you’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings? Here are three tips to help you keep charging forward confidently, even when you’re letting a few people down along the way.

 

1. Focus on the Vision

Your vision is the finish line that you and the team are running toward. As you focus on it, you’ll be reminded of why you’re doing what you’re doing. It will give you a confident foundation to stand on in the midst of criticism.

 

2. Decide in Advance

Instead of determining what you will or won’t do every single time someone asks you to do something, set some parameters that will decide for you in advance. They’ll help you weed out requests that become distractions because they aren’t important, urgent or a priority.

For example, a personal decision I’ve made is that Sunday nights will be spent with my husband. So when someone asks me to help/volunteer/attend an event on a Sunday night, it’s already been decided. The answer is no. Someone may still be disappointed, but it’s a rule I won’t break.

 

3. Accept That Everyone Won’t Understand

It’s a waste of your energy to try to explain to every single person who wants to have coffee and pitch their idea why you don’t have the time or java-drinking capacity to do it. They won’t understand and they may be offended, but that’s okay. See number one if you begin to waver.

 

Leadership is never easy, especially when it comes to disappointing others. But you’ll never make progress in your in ministry or personal life without mastering this skill. You don’t just have the right to say no; you have the responsibility. And here’s the best part: When you stop doing what everyone else wants you to do, you open up opportunities and free up time for God to bring you more things that He designed with you in mind.