What Secret Is Holding You Back?

Imagine for a moment the energy that it takes to live with something from the past that haunts you every day. Imagine being afraid to let anyone know for fear of being judged, ridiculed and perhaps even banned by your circle of friends and loved ones. Imagine deep rooted pain that consumes so much of your thoughts that you become distracted from your calling and completely miss God’s purpose for your life. Could that really happen? Is that possible?
 

I bet I can safely say we all have experienced some kind of brokenness in our lives. One person’s pain might look differently than another’s, but in the end the pain can still feel the same…life shattering! It can creep in at times when you least expect it. Or it can rock your whole world and destroy everything around you including yourself.

 

I also know there are deep wounds we have all accumulated in and throughout our lives. These wounds are usually so humiliating, so devastating and so horribly crippling that we are quick to stuff them, hide them, run from them and almost always refuse to let anybody in to know they are there. What might others think of us if they knew?

 

So then what happens next…?
 

We all know that our pain, hurt, habit and or hang up will eventually just turn into our dark little secret. We think it will go away if we never talk about it. We hope if no one knows of it then we can pretend it never happened. We keep telling ourselves that eventually over time we will become free from this pain but instead we find ourselves still in bondage. We are often left with questions such as…is this wound ever going to go away? Why can’t I just forget about it and move on? If only it was that simple. 

 

The more we tell ourselves to forget past secrets, the deeper the heart aches for realization. If we get really honest with ourselves we know that secret is still there, waiting, breathing and creeping up on us only at times to destroy and demolish us from the inside out.
 

We start to live in shame, and persecution, maybe even going as far as becoming and feeling unlovable to others. We torment ourselves as we judge our crime that only seems to get greater and more despicable every year we hold on to it. We assume others would judge us horribly, maybe even be disgusted, or abandon us if they saw the secret we were holding on to. How could we possibly free ourselves from this pain? How could we possibly find freedom from our dark, demolishing and very self-destructing secret? 
 

We share it. 
 

I know for me, my life embodied this pain. I held on to a secret that I believed I would never tell and I suffered tremendously. For many years I walked around believing this secret would eventually stop harming me and go away. I was very wrong. I just watched year after year my secret get stronger and more powerful as it continued to find new ways to destroy me. Never once telling me I was ok or that I was a good person and deserved happiness. Instead it told me I would lose everything in my life, no one would love me and every one would leave me. I would become unlovable and plagued disgusting if others learned of how horrible my secret was. 
 

God works in a very funny way because He actually told me to go and share it, to go and share my secret! 
 

I remembered the exact day when He whispered to me…I want you to go back to that world you have tried to forget. I know it scares you but trust me when I say…I want you there. Go back into those clubs and show them who I am. Shine my light, bright, in those dark infested rooms and trust me when I say to share your complete story. Not only with the girls in those rooms but with everyone in the world. Let them all hear the victory you found in Me. Give each and every one of them hope, that like yours, their life can be made new through Jesus Christ! 
 

An interesting thing happened…I found freedom and God found His leader.
 

Salt and Light 

“You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses it saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowel. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven. ~ Matthew 5:13-16